Sunday, April 2, 2017

Riding bikes with coyotes and fighting buzzards



040217

It’s 10:16 PM and I cannot sleep.  I am wired as hell and I wish this would go away so I could get some rest.  Both dogs and my wife are snoring while I write this and glance at the television playing Star Trek Voyager…because I love Star Trek. 

May as well run through what I’ve been up to lately.  So, here it is: I ride my bike; I work a bit, here and there, I sold the store to a very nice young man named Chris Carr; I vacuum the house; I ride the moto as much as possible (which is not very much); I shoot some hoops if it’s nice outside; I wander around the neighborhood, aimlessly searching for discarded squirrel pelts from coyote kills.  I use them to make blankets for wayward carnies and I also fashion tapestries from them.  Beth won’t let me hang the tapestries inside the house so I put them in my garage/shop (the third car bay).  I’ve used the pelts as rags while cleaning and lubricating my bicycle and motorcycle…they (the pelts) are very absorbent.  Sometimes the damned things attract more coyotes, even though any meat on the pelts is gone.  I don’t mind the coyotes so much.  I sort of like them and I often feed them dog food from Walter’s bin.  I even named one of them Banjo and he runs alongside me when I ride my bike out in the country. 

As far as bike stuff is concerned, I turned over management of the First Internet Bank team to Mr. Knapp and he is doing a swell job.  The fellas and ladies are winning races already and I think this season is going to be a great one.  I’ll admit that I had mixed feelings about letting go of the management of the team but when I think critically about it, I mostly feel relief.  It was very difficult running the bike shop while also trying to run the team.  Ryan will be great at it and I think the team will be very solid and strong going forward.  I may do something in the future with another team but for now, I am going to just enjoy watching First IB do their thing and win races.  It’s way more fun this way.  And I will be cheering for them just like I always have since I started the team five years ago.  It’s been a wonderful ride and I learned a lot and I am grateful to all the riders who came through this program.  You all made me so proud and I take away a lot of personal fulfillment from this team.  So, thank you.

So, personally, I’ve been riding a fair bit this season and have had a great base phase.  I think I am ready to race and I hope to have a good season.  Our team is basically the same as last year and we are capable of winning any race we enter.  Masters racing is basically all about tactics.  Most of us are at the same level of fitness now, having done shitloads of training hours over the years.  We all know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and each race resembles a bunch of nervous two-year-old race horses waiting to make the right move.  This year should be a bit more competitive and interesting as I believe Texas Roadhouse has bolstered their roster with some stronger riders.  The Zippers will be strong, as they are every year, with the usual suspects making things difficult.  Then we’ll have some of the smaller teams from Fort Wayne, Cinci, Lexington, and some of the other regional cities who will, hopefully, animate the races so they are not so formulaic.  I love it when the pace is high and there are loads of attacks.  Way more fun.  

Anyway, back to the squirrel pelts.  The thing with them is: you must get them when they are fresh.  A two-day old kill will simply not do.  By then the skin is too dry and the fur is already falling out…no point in trying to tan it then.  To make a full blanket, you will need at least 45 to 50 pelts.  It usually takes me around a week to find that many, in the right condition.  I sometimes have to fight off turkey vultures also.  And they are very dangerous when hungry.  Do NOT…I repeat…do NOT grab one of them by the tail feathers.  Nothing enrages a full-grown male turkey vulture like some idiot human grabbing the beast’s carefully-groomed tail feathers.  The rotten buzzard will fight like hell and dart straight for your eyes if you don’t block the attack.  Truly vicious.  I have found that the best way to handle them is to keep some Hall’s Mentho Lyptus in your pocket and toss some of them at the birds if they get too close.  For some reason, they love the type of hard candy and lozenges that old people keep in bowls on their family room tables.  Other things that would do include Werther’s, cellophane-wrapped peppermints, and Ricola.  Oh, and Luden’s.  

M’kay I am finally starting to not feel so damned jittery and I think I’ll try and sleep now.  What time is it?  CRIPES!  It’s 11:06!  I customarily get to sleep around 9:30.  This will not bode well for the morning.  I am liable to be ultra-cranky and in desperate need of strong, black coffee.  But Beth turns on the coffee maker at 5AM when she gets up…so the stuff tastes like melted tires by the time I get to it.  But maybe that makes it stronger.  Anyway, I hope so. 
I hope you all Live Long and Prosper.  Hell, I hope I Live Long and Prosper.  I hope the over-abundance of squirrels in the neighborhood live a Reasonable Amount of Time and Prosper…prior to becoming a pair of snow boots or a slip cover for my driver’s seat in the Ram.  

Love, Chris