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Life slows down for the year and I am nearly
brain-dead. The season ends with a cruel
abruptness.
I peer out the front door of the shop and there is a hazy
yellow sheen on everything. I feel like
I am looking through a thick fog and the space between my desk and the windows
is the poppy field from the Wizard of Oz.
I cannot see straight and my shoes are stuck to the floor with the blood
of my enemies…those whom I fought and who fought bravely against me.
The wind blows like sixty screaming banshees driven mad with
the prospect of a hungry Winter ahead of them and not enough meat stored up to
feed the horde. I calculate our odds of
survival at 40% unless El Nino saves the Off-Season. The bikes are gathering dust and we have now
reached the season of the Middle Aged Man who is “Oh, just looking around.” And no matter how much I want to throw him
into the Sarlacc I am compelled by the will of the retail demi-gods to be kind,
if not even outgoing to this creature.
He never buys anything but asks many questions and always about: fat bikes, the antiques I have hanging from
the ceiling, and Lance Armstrong, who still somehow elicits conversation. Just Looking Around guy watches tom cruise
movies with giddiness and drinks bud light on weekends and when it rains or,
especially, when it snows, he comes here.
And he never buys anything. Wait…I
already said that.
Twas a difficult season, indeed. Many of my kind lost their minds to the
terrible wrath of consumer laziness and the the shit-mongering online retail
wraiths like Amazon and Chain Reaction who try, every day, as their business
model dictates, to kill small businesses.
And then there is Yelp. Yelp is a
bad, bad, BAD thing. Yelp has succeeded
in making all businesses fear their customers and many customers now have an
abusive, contempt-filled attitude toward retailers. Yelp can go into the Sarlacc with Just
Looking Around guy. If Yelp were
headquartered nearby, I would throw bags of aged dog poop at it.
I admit I get bitchy this time of year. Don’t take it personally. Those of us in this business basically live
on tumbleweed salad and stagnant water all winter and that makes us
cranky. And it’s difficult to see the
first new rays of the rising sun over the mounds of snow and dusty fixtures at
which we stare every day. But that’s the
price we pay for the right to work in t-shirts and shorts. And of course there are bikes. It’s all about the bikes. From the BMX and freestyle days of my
childhood to the carbon fiber road racers I currently ride and sell, I am made
of bikes. I will always be made of
bikes. And even if I seem jaded and
foul-tempered at times, here at the shop, or before a race, or even on a ride,
I assure you my attitude and outlook have been and are continually shaped and
reshaped by a deeply ingrained and intrinsic love of bikes and the people and
environments that they help to create. So,
see? It’s not all that bad. It’s very often good…this life. I love the shop, I love my team (First IB set
to gnash its teeth next season and eat its enemies’ bones), and I still love
coming to work most days. One day I will
leave this place and I hope she continues and someone else treats her like the
gorgeous gal she is.
Oh yeah…will someone please cover for me on Saturday so I
can go do the Electric-Assist 650B Di2 Fat-Bike Gravel-Cross point to point
Gran Fondo Tough Mudder Cross-Fit Hot Yoga Balogna-Toss world championships of
Miscellaneous Town with Seventeen Breweries and Food Trucks, USA? That would be great. I have to go register real quick-like so I get
my call-up.
